Oh the things you learn...

So for those of you that don’t know (or do know) I am enrolled in school again.  Two of the five classes I am in are Human Sexuality and Marriage and Family (a sociology class).  Today I went to my Human Sexuality class, like I do every Tuesday and Thursday.   Today’s lecture was about domestic violence.  “What is domestic violence?” you ask?  Well!  Here is the definition that was on our power point.

Domestic violence is…”a pattern of abusive and controlling behaviors used against an intimate partner or former partner.”

This can include:

- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Property/economic abuse.


            Now before all of this runs you off and you think I’m trying to be a teacher or some type of authority figure…I do have a purpose to this blog…so keep reading!  I also want to include that I am in no way, trying to throw myself a pity party or anything like that of some sort.  The more we talked about this issue…the more I realized that I had an ex (that I won’t mention who) who was definitely emotionally and verbally abusive to me.  The more our class kept discussing this chapter and issue, the more open my eyes became to this.  Then I thought to myself, “good lord, I am an idiot for not noticing this when it was literally happening right then and there!”  In no way, shape, or form, should I or any other female or male, have to deal with someone calling you names and belittling you.  Being asked about my weight and how I was going to “take care” of myself” is not something you say to your significant other.  Isolating me from my friends and family because he wanted my full and undivided attention all to him is a little much.  Refusing to ever hang out with my family and friends because he doesn’t “like them” is just plain rude.  Those people were and are in my life for a reason and I firmly believe they have helped mold me into the person I am today.  Getting mad at me because I decided to hang out with my friends instead of you for one night and had fun doing it?  It’s amazing how someone you “love” and who “loves” you could treat you in such a way.  What cracks me up about all of this is that the “profile” of this person is often a person who is often seemed as a “nice guy” in public, is usually jealous/possessive (which will bring me to “mania” that I learned about in Marriage and Family), and has low self-esteem.  He definitely is each of these that describe the type of person I’m talking about.  Especially the “nice guy”…. and that’s exactly who he was…at first.  If you were to ask anyone that has hung out with him and not on an intimate level, they would all say that he’s nice and he’s a good time.  And the sad thing is, even after dealing with all the negativity and cruel words from him, I can’t let go of the “nice guy” I thought I once knew.  Maybe it’s not the “nice guy” I miss, but the idea of the “nice guy” I thought I had finally “landed”.  I personally don’t know how long it’ll take me to get over all of this bullshit.  I don’t know if it’ll take a longer period of time or if I’ll be like this until someone else strikes my fancy (which won’t be happening anytime soon since I refuse to “date” right now).  I do know that I didn’t deserve it then, and I don’t deserve it now, and I love myself too much to ever put up with that again.  Crying in a relationship should happen sporadically…and I feel like that crying should be more of “happy cries” than being upset.

“Mandee, will you please tell me about that Mania style of love you mentioned early?”

Why certainly….I have decided to trust Wikipedia’s description of this and have also decided to include my thoughts in it.

“Manic -

Manic lovers often have low self-esteem (yes), and place much importance on their relationship. Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and superlatives, and feel they "need" their partners (yes). Love is a means of rescue, or a reinforcement of value. Manic lovers often discover their partners by haphazard means.

Manic lovers will avoid committing infidelity if they fear discovery. They view marriage as ownership, and children as either competition or a substitute for their lover. Sex is a reassurance of love (I can see that). Manic lovers are often anxious or insecure, and can be extremely jealous (YES!). Manic lovers respond well to therapy, and often grow out of this style (GOSH, I hope so!).

The advantage of manic love is intensity. The disadvantages include jealousy, possessiveness, and insatiability. In its extreme, mania becomes obsession or codependency.”

So there you have it…you really do learn something new every day…and even though I had experienced these things…I didn’t know the correct “terms” or “styles” of it.  All in all, I don’t know why I’m still…. well… for a lack of better word…hung up on this.  So maybe one of you could help me shed some light on this situation?  Or just give me some “tough love” and tell me to “stfu” and “get over it”!  Either way…put your “Questions…COMMENTS…thoughts” below. J